The High School girls’ locker rooms haven’t changed a lot
over the past decade or so. Goopy
lip glosses peak out from grafittied shoulder bags, a pair of jewel studded
converse high tops have been tossed on a pile of jeans and the bathroom stalls
are in various states of toilet papered disarray.
“Shut up. You
are totally going to make varsity”
“Yeah, but there are only 10 slots and –“
“Yeah and you are totally going to make it, you are so
freaking tall”
“ohmygoshdoyouthinkso?”
I observe this conversation from in front of the bathroom
sink, trying to remove my waterproof eyeliner before heading to the school
weight room. In fact, this
conversation is happening in every corner of the locker room – some girls are
speaking loudly and looking around to see who’s listening and others are timid,
changing their clothes with their faces to the wall and whispering back and
forth about who will or will not be on the varsity Volleyball team.
And I don’t feel like I’m a grown up, I feel like I’m a new
High School student with no friends and an awkward body. And to have the near 30-year-old body
reflected back at me in the 10th grade certainly would be awkward,
but then I remember that I’m not vying for prom dates or looking for someone to
be my BFF. I’m an adult professional
headed to the gym to keep my weight down and my premature hip arthritis at
bay. Very adult indeed.
I’ve had several of these back to the future…er past moments
over the last few days at my new job in the International School. I read an article a few months ago (which
I can’t find for the love, but I’ll keep looking) about the adolescent brain and
even though it’s a relatively short time in our life, our High School age memories
feel disproportionately vivid well into adulthood.
“The brain is buzzing with more dopamine activity than at
any other time in the human life cycle, so everything an adolescent
does—everything an adolescent feels—is just a little bit more intense ‘And you
never get back to that intensity’” (saved the quote with no citation – bad librarian!)
You forget just HOW intense everything feels at 13 and 15
and 17 and then you see the first day faces on these kids and it comes back
like your first mixed tape was given to you just yesterday. For the record, my first mixed tape was
a bizarre 3 part compilation of unheard of folk artists, terrible Christmas
rap, Van Halen and heartbreaking Yo-Yo Ma performances. I was a strange 16 year old and dated
even stranger boys. But I have a
special spot in my heart for High School intensity - and perhaps strangeness as
well - since during my first days of 10th grade I met the corduroy
wearing 16 year old who would later be my husband.
So “back to school” makes me excited and full of butterflies
for obvious back to school reasons, reasons that don’t really go away when you
become an adult – Will the other teachers
like me? Will I do a good
job? Will I wear the right thing? - but I also remember what it feels like
to be 16 and in love and confused and exhilarated and nervous and happy and
independent and perhaps just slightly out of control. And maybe this flood of emotion wouldn’t be so readily
available to me if I weren’t sitting next to Mr. NOFX t-shirt wearing, guitar playing, head shaving heartthrob right now, even if he is wearing a suit and sporting a well-quaffed beard these
days.
It pays to have such well read friends!!! Thanks Marci
http://nymag.com/news/features/high-school-2013-1/
It pays to have such well read friends!!! Thanks Marci
http://nymag.com/news/features/high-school-2013-1/
Love it. Good luck this year! I'm glad you finally have your dream job.
ReplyDeleteIs this your article?
ReplyDeletehttp://nymag.com/news/features/high-school-2013-1/
hugs!!
Love this post, and good luck in your new job! Having my own child in high school has definitely brought back some sweet and painful memories as well.
ReplyDeleteYes! That's it - thanks Marci.
ReplyDeleteHahaha...NOFX.
ReplyDeleteAlso, you should take these experiences and channel them into a really fantastic YA novel. Do itttttt.
I think about that sometimes, Camille, and I get all worked up and then I read a really good YA book and think "I quit". ....I would DEFINITELY tap you to be one of my first readers :) (In the event that I overcome being paralyzed with self doubt...)
ReplyDeleteI think about that sometimes, Camille, and I get all worked up and then I read a really good YA book and think "I quit". ....I would DEFINITELY tap you to be one of my first readers :) (In the event that I overcome being paralyzed with self doubt...)
ReplyDelete